Girls: You Are Worth More Than That

Today, I was made to feel like I was back in the front seat of a Zambian bus in the middle of City Market. I felt so objectified and dirty when I was asked to find a man a white woman for him to marry among other bullet points on his grocery list of the perfect woman. I felt like an object of his stereotypical and racial views towards women. I felt such rage and disgust against men that I've never felt before as I experienced racism and feelings equivalent to being a sex slave. I am choosing not to fester in those things. That is how I feel but that is not who I am. I am the beautiful daughter of the one, true King who is worth more than gold and diamonds. I am not the prize to be won like the golden arrow I am bought with Jesus' blood. I am worth Jesus' blood. I am not an objectified prostitute. I have intrinsic value based on who made and saved me, not because of who I am or what I've done. I am as precious as the blood of the Lamb.

Be the Change

Recently, I was talking to my RD about how rooming was going with the different clusters, if I was getting to know everyone. When I said that everyone was staying to their own friend group so far, he challenged me with Gandi's famous quote, "be the change..." Now I've heard this many times and even have applied it to my own life at certain points but other times, I haven't been that change. But the difference between when my RD said this to me and all the other times was when I acknowledged the presence of fear in my heart. I am afraid to be the change because that involves taking risks and stepping out of my comfort zone. I love meeting new people but with another person I already know. I like having that safety net. I though about how this applied to my Christian life. God does not give us a Spirit of fear. So what if I acknowledged my fear to God and depended on his courage to be the change God is bringing to the world? It is often said that change starts with one person. I would like to edit this statement: change starts with the one person bold enough to stand by himself for a short period of time. Many people are probably thinking the same thing but don't speak up. I'm not saying you'll be famous or change the world, but what if you can advance God's kingdom and his plan for change by just relying on his courage instead of being defined by our own fear?

Final Recap of Zambia

Jacob, a boy who was recently moved to the shelter, told Chelsea once “there is no god in the ditch.” My heart broke. The ditches are their home, where they sleep when they can at night. It explained the hopelessness that I saw in all the boys’ faces. The ones on the street say they want to get out, go to school, or go home, anything but the street. However, it’s just a fairytale dream. It’s so far off that they laugh at the thought sometimes. They don’t know if they will even be alive in 2 years. Every day they come to Chisomo and are fed, wash, and attend a Bible study. Every day they still leave hopeless. Satan has fed their minds for so long with lies of worthlessness and hopelessness. They are convinced that they are no better than monkeys. They feel they might as well be monkeys. Tomas told me he had “monkey hands” compared to my soft hands. These lies have convinced them that they are not worthy of a normal and good life. They are convinced that the street is better than homes because in the street at least you’re able to do what you want and maybe, just maybe, you can get through the night without being beaten. That’s more of a guarantee than at home. The community looks down on the children living on the street. They say, “They should be at home with their parents. They’re just dirty delinquents.” But what the community doesn’t understand is that each child has a specific and different story and reason why they came to the street. Take Nicolas for example. Nicolas still has both parents, rare for Zambia, but they are divorced and both remarried. His step-father beats him and his step-mother hates him. Neither home is safe for this 17 year old. So he tells his parents that he’s living with the other and heads to the street instead. His parents don’t care enough to make sure that he’s actually with the other parent. Little do they know that Nick is a leading drug dealer and hasn’t been clean for about 6 years.

The community looks at Nick with disgust, but they don’t know that his body is so addicted that it needs the drugs more than food. They don’t see Nick as the leader that I see him to be. They don’t see what the gospel could do for this boy and the entire community that he affects. But Satan has such a hold on Nick. It breaks my heart to know that Nick with probably never become clean and very likely die young. But it’s Nick that keeps me hoping. It’s Nick that inspires me to go to the outcasts of society. And it’s Nick that changed my heart. It’s the unloved like Nicolas that have given me a new drive to study occupational therapy in a new light, to focus on the psychology more than the motor skills. The drugs have killed so many of Nick’s brain cells that he is not unlike a stroke victim. Occupational therapists work with those people all the time. I don’t know where God is calling me. I am willing to go anywhere in the world as long as I know that God is ahead of me. I do know that I have been called to seek out the orphans and the widows, those unloved by the community, and to bring them hope using the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am not going to heal them using OT, but God can and will heal. I just want to be a tool in that healing process. In the words of John the Baptist, “I must become less so that He can become greater” (John 3:30). Being at Chisomo, I have learned that I cannot minister if my goal is for myself. I must humble myself before God and man, following Jesus’ example in becoming a selfless servant. The caregiver at the drop in center and also my host father, Josephat, is a selfless servant, which can only come from God. Day in and day out, he ministers to the children on the street. He does not get any glory or recognition. He is under-staffed and never complains. And his heart has such patience and understanding that I have never seen before. He is my role model of a Christ-like servant. He is a carpenter by trade so maybe these are character traits innate in all carpenters, but Josephat’s love for Christ is what has driven him for 10 years at Chisomo. He has seen the same boys every day for years, and yet he is not frustrated with the slow progress. He does not punish them when they go backwards instead of making progress. He only continues to love them and disciplines with grace. So I guess to say what I have learned is complicated. I have learned that God is the God of all people and calls me to the same behavior in America that I was challenged with in Zambia. God has shown me that I am called to love the unloved, the outcast of the world. Something that I have been discovering since I’ve been home is that God has placed me where I am for a reason. While I was in Zambia, I was there for my eyes to be opened and my heart changed. While I am in America, I am called to make a choice about my faith and my life. This is where the lifelong change happens for me, the character building. I find it so much easier to love the boys of the street than people at home. But Jesus does not only love Zambians. So while I am in America, I will love people through the Holy Spirit (God knows that I don’t have enough love in me to do it on my own). I will lean on Him and strive to be more like Christ every day. In regards as to what I have learned academically, I have discovered a true passion for psychology, which I never thought I would say. I have a passion for applying occupational therapy to some unconventional circumstances, but applicable nonetheless. I have changed my major to biopsychology with a minor in community psych with hopes of understanding more of where people like the Chisomo boys come from. But most importantly, I have learned what it means to be a Christian, a true follower of Christ. Honestly, I’m scared and nervous of falling back into my own routines. But I thank God for these trials because they form endurance. And endurance builds strength of character. Strength of character leads to hope which will not lead to disappointment because we know how much God loves us since He sent His Son to die for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:3-5

Hangovers: Painful but Necessary

Hangovers, whether from alcohol or mission trip spiritual highs, are always important. It is the time meant for reflection and decision. A decision might be negative, like in the case of alcohol: I'm never drinking that much again. Or it can be positive: I'm going to use what God has taught me on my mission trip and grow instead of waiting until the next big thing to stretch me again. I'm sure you already know which hangover I want to talk about. My mission hangover has definitely been on the down side after such a high in Zambia. Why wouldn't it be? It's only natural. But I've been able to use this time to grow and build more character. Zambia presented me with a lot of amazing experiences that I will cherish, but it is time to make the decisions about how that will change my life and build character. I've been focusing a lot on Romans 5:3-5 lately. It says, "We can rejoice when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." The trials I am facing now are more internal and emotional than I expected them to be, but I know that I can rejoice during these times. I know that this is where the endurance is formed which ultimately leads to a hope that will not lead to disappointment. My prayer lately is that God shows me why he has me here at home. My purpose was so clear to me while I was in Zambia. I'm constantly telling myself that God has a purpose for me here as well. The Great Commission does not call me to go far only to go. So as I go in my normal routine of life, my desire is to know God more and to spread his message no matter which continent I am on for God loves ALL people, not just the Zambians. So keep me accountable for showing God's love in Pennsylvania. Ask me about it. Talk to me about what God is teaching me. Just one final thing: What are your trials teaching you? And are we representing Christ well by showing His love to everyone we come in contact with? (I'm still answering both these questions). Until next time, go. And be God's love to the world.

Home

I know it's been almost two weeks since I've posted what's going on in my life and I apologize for taking forever. But I was back in my room by 2am Saturday morning. It was nice to be done traveling, that's for sure. I will continue to post things that God is teaching me even in America so I hope you continue to read my blog. Just be warned, there probably won't be any cool stories about one of the 7 wonders of the world or anything like that, but my prayer is that you will still marvel at what God is doing right here in Pennsylvania. And my encouragement to you is to join God in His work where you are, whether it be Pennsylvania, the West Coast, or China for all I care. But serve God where He has placed you because you're there for a reason. (Something that I've been learning since coming home). But if this is the last time you ever read my blog until the next "adventure" comes around, I want to share some last words with you. They are words that were given to me by a dear friend in Zambia. And I ask you all to keep me accountable to these words. "Hello, Just hope you're doing great while trying to pursue godliness. Say, the measure of your holiness is the measure to which you're obedient to the Holy Spirit in all your faculties of thoughts, emotions, and your everyday actions. Remember, 'Just as He who called you is holy, be holy in all that you do...' (1 Pet 1:15). And 'do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance' (1 Pet 1:14). Rather take up your cross and follow Jesus, this accompanies self-denial' (Matt 16:24-25). Hay, HOLINESS IS NOT AN OPTION BUT A MUST FOR EVERY CHRISTIAN." I hope you take this little snip-it to heart and ask God, with the power of the Holy Spirit, to make you holy. Strive towards the Kingdom and seek Him first (Matt 6:33...my version :D). So either until what the world calls an "adventure" or you read about my normal every day adventure called my life, I bid you farewell. (I start school next month which is going to be an adventure so stay tuned if that's what you're looking for :D). And serve God where you are, and above all, seek His kingdom in your hearts.

Good News :)

I feel like God laughs at me when I doubt Him. I think He says to himself, "You don't think I can do you, Ally. Watch me!" Yeah I get the point. The conversations I've been able to have with some of the boys, one called David in particular, as a result of one devotion has proved that God is working. Our devotion was on Proverbs 16:3: Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed. It was joined with the previous day's devotion on Jeremiah 29:11: I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for evil; to give you a hope and a future. We talked about how the only way to have these promises apply to our lives is to be born again. But the coolest thing was one of our visitors, a really awesome old man who had to have a theology degree, explained why we needed to be born again. And man, did he have their attention! He explained that Adam's spirit died when he ate the fruit and we inherited that dead spirit. That's the part of us that needs to be born again. So yesterday, I started having a conversation with David about the question he asked, "What do we do if we are praying but God doesn't answer our prayer?" He seems like a completely different David. And then today we talked about why we need to be born again, how do we prove that we are born again, and how do we make our friends believe that Jesus is alive. Amazing questions. Anyway, that's what's happening over here in Africa!

So many questions...

How does God let this happen? How is this reality? Why is it real life that they have to make fires to stay warm because they don't have jackets like Julius said? Why did Jackson have to resort to stealing and then be in jail for 3 days? Why do they know how to pick pocket so well? Why do they only get 2 hours of sleep a night with a friend guarding them so no one attacks them or steals their things? Why do people look down on them and only give them money out of pity instead of letting them wash cans for work? Why is this the real ugly truth? Why does God allow such things? Why do the boys claim to want an education but take no initiative to go back to school? Why doesn't God save them? Why doesn't He save them already? Grab their hearts and not let go? Why is there abuse and why does it force so many of them to run away and fend for themselves? The world is an ugly place with so much pain. I hate sin. Why doesn't Jesus' light illuminate more? It seems like the darkness is snuffing it out and is winning on the streets. I feel in the midst of a very real war for the boys and all the other children who live on the street. They have no one to love them. They have to feel alone and abandoned. How do I show them that their not? It's so hard to be a light in a dark place of the world like Lusaka. While I feel like god is really present in the churches, He seems absent on the street at night. It feels like Jacob was right when he said there's no god in the the ditch. I know God is working because I see the change in Jacob, Tom, Sandy, and Richard. But I wish it was faster. I think it's slow because God gives us the choice to follow him. It's so hard to be patient when I think about the reality for these boys. I don't want them to have to suffer any more nights on the streets that feel God has forsaken. I want Jesus to come now and break the iron grip the devil has. The devil controls the drugs, beer, and money that entices the boys. And I think most of them use the drugs and beer to stay warm and to forget. But the devil uses those things to keep them in his power on the street. I hate that. Jeremiah 29: 7, 13-14 vs7: And work for peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you. Pray to the Lord for it, for it's welfare will determine your welfare. vs13-14: "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you," says the Lord.