Pain. Confusion. Anxiety. Depression. Bewilderment. Lack of Hope. Mostly Frustration. This concoction of emotions intoxicated my body the moment my head hit the wooden gym floor. A concussion changes a person, for better or worse, I don’t know. It forces me to be still to rest even when I don’t want to. The harder I push myself, the worse I feel. It’s an odd feeling to be still when you’re used to running one hundred miles an hour. To not participate in all the activities, to not be able to understand concepts you understood earlier that day, to not be able to work. What good ever came out of staring at a wall?
It forced me to listen, to notice, to read, to pray, to calm my spirits. But none of these things would have happened if I had not hit my head.. Two days after receiving my concussion, my ACT scores were reported, and they are one point below the needed score to apply for a certain (quite large-60-100%) scholarship. This news broke my heart in two. I had been counting on that scholarship to go to my dream school with pretty much no debt. Through the trauma and the crying, I believe that I was set back in my recovery. Through the process, I discovered that I was becoming too comfortable with my decisions to trust God in anything. I still want to attend Messiah College, become an occupational therapist, and someday go to Africa, but it will all be on His dollar because I know that I CAN’T AFFORD IT. Because I can’t read for long periods of time, I’ve been listening to my beloved Narnia stories and asked God to teach me something through them. He’s shown me a lot actually. In The Last Battle, Eustace and Jill are trying to get to Narnia, and the group has this whole plan with the rings from the Professor’s house and the whole shebang. The children never needed them; Aslan did all the work. The rings are the scholarships that I wanted, and Aslan (God). I’m still asking why He let this happen to me, my senior year when I was just coming into my grove. Why did He take that away from me? I don’t know what He wants to reveal to me, but with so much time on my hands, I can really dig into what He has to say. But I know I am to listen, and it will be revealed to me.
“Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which though knowest not.” Jeremiah 33:3 KJV
